The third aliyah of Parshat Behaalotecha begins with the instruction for the Pesach offering in our second year in the desert. Rashi tells us that chronologically, this text happened before Parshat Bamidbar, making it the actual beginning of the Book of Bamidbar. Because we have the principle that there is no chronological order in the Torah (אין סדר מוקדם ומאוחר בתורה), the placement of this text must come to teach us something else. Rashi, quoting the Midrash, explains that the reason our text appears here is מפני שהוא גנותן של ישראל, “because it is the disgrace of Israel”. Over forty years, this Pesach offering was the only one that B’nai Yisrael brought to God after their Exodus from Egypt. This is our disgrace-- our embarrassment and shame about failing to do what we were commanded to do. And so, Hashem had compassion on us and did not place this fact front-and-center at the start of the Book of Bamidbar. We learn two important lessons about derech eretz, the way we live our lives, from this explanation. First, we should be careful not to emphasize the flaws, mistakes, and even sins of others. Just as God did not embarrass us by highlighting our failures, we should not make someone else’s flaw the first thing we notice or focus on. (It is important to note though, for our own self-awareness and growth, that in the text our failure is still not entirely erased). Second, when we are in a disagreement with someone-- when something has gone wrong, been overlooked, or when someone was hurt-- we must follow the model of communication that the Torah gives us. God didn’t start the Book of Bamidbar with our failure to offer Him the Pesach offering. Instead He began with the recognition that everyone counts and everyone has value in Parshat Bamidbar (the parsha of the census). So too, we should not begin our interactions with the problem at hand, but instead with our investment in the relationship and in the person in front of us. Today whether you are meeting someone for the first time or are in the middle of a conflict, practice recognizing the other’s dignity and value. Do not embarrass another or dwell on his/her flaws, for not only would we not want to be treated that way, but God reorganized His Torah to teach us not to.
-- Rabbanit Alissa
